Framework for Introverts to Shine
I believe introverts have a stronger desire to serve the needs of others than extroverts do. If you are an introvert, you’ll understand that pushing yourself out into the world takes confidence, courage and commitment. You must overcome your natural tendency to stay home alone with your thoughts and journaling to share your message with the world and help others.
I’m Shelley Carney, Podcasting & LiveStreaming Host, Coach/Consultant, Personal Development Expert, Interviewer, Author, Presenter, Introvert and a 9 on the Enneagram chart. As an acutely introverted wife and mom, I overcame fear and perfectionism to perform improv comedy, participate in a bikini competition for middle-aged women and host my own live YouTube shows and podcast. I say this so you’ll know if I can do it, so can you!
Are you an extrovert? How do you know? Extrovert traits include the ability and desire to thrive around people. They think out loud by talking about their ideas with everybody and asking for feedback. They enjoy attention and seek the spotlight whenever possible so they can display their strengths and show the world their best. They can also dominate conversations by interrupting others, being closed-minded about new ideas and not understanding why introverts don’t just speak up more if their ideas are so great.
Are you an introvert? Have you taken the Myers-Briggs personality test and come up introverted every time? Me too. Introvert traits include enjoying solitude so you can focus & think better while recharging your energy. They also listen more than they talk. Sometimes we listen and don’t talk because it feels so much easier and more comfortable and other times because we feel unprepared or “not enough” to contribute to the conversation.
Introverts also choose quiet, small groups over large, noisy crowds. If you ask an introvert to go out, they’ll prefer an intimate restaurant or a movie that’s been out for a few weeks. Many introverts feel the pandemic has provided wonderful new opportunities to work and socialize from the comfort of home. Now that these practices have become the norm, introverts are being seen and heard more frequently and maybe for the first time.
But we don’t want to lose this advantage as businesses and events open up to crowds again. We’ve gotten comfortable staying home, which means it’s going to be difficult to overcome anxiety about going out among crowds of people again. Not only do we have our original dislike of large groups of people, now we have the added paranoia of the pandemic “social distancing” recommendations to deal with.
So how do we really shine as introverts? I’ve put together a framework that explores the concepts shared in the book, The Introverted Leader by Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, and added my spin on it.
It starts with preparation, then presence, push and practice. I’ve added protection to the center of this framework because we are protecting ourselves and our mental and emotional energy when we follow through on all the steps.
Step 1. Prepare
This applies to anyone but more dramatically so for introverts. The benefits of being prepared include increased confidence, comfort, calm and a sense of control. For instance, when I prepare for a presentation, I think about the topic for a week or two before I write it out or prepare slides. I want to be sure to cover all the points and provide the important pieces of information. I also prepare these materials days or weeks before I need them. That way I can make tweaks to it if I think of something else to add or decide to take out unnecessary bits that just clutter it up. Once the slides or script is prepared, then I feel confident that I won’t lose my place or forget any pieces. This gives me a sense of control over the presentation and how it will go. I know I’ve got backup in case anything goes wrong so I can stay calm no matter what happens.
Step 2. Presence
As introverts, we spend a lot of time in our heads. Have you ever been so distracted by internal thoughts that you miss what is going on in the moment? When you get out of your head and immerse yourself in the moment, it can help you be more in command of any situation. The best way to gain this command is to start with deep breaths and centering. I use the mantra, “Be here now.” It helps to clear away past and future thoughts so I can focus. Next, take a cue from the extroverts by observing others. I never understood “people watching” until I really tried to see the patterns in it. Look at the people around you and see if you can pick up body language cues. Who is feeling uncomfortable? Happy? Angry? What is happening that could cause those feelings? This is the most important part of listening and can help us adapt to the current situation and feel more comfortable. If you’re a writer, taking notes can help you stay present when you record what is being said during a meeting. Just wait until you’re alone to add your personal internal thoughts to these notes.
Step 3. Push
We all need to get outside our comfort zone to grow into the person we want to become. This is especially true and often more difficult for introverts. How can we push ourselves past the wall of comfortable silence and speak our truth? I suggest you speak first. I’ve noticed when I go into a Clubhouse room, it helps to raise my hand right at the beginning and be one of the first speakers. This breaks the ice, and it is easier to stay on stage and offer opinions and advice when appropriate. It’s much like sitting at the front of the classroom or workshop instead of in the back. When I sit in the front of the room, I’m more likely to add to the conversation because I have eye contact and close proximity to the teacher. I don’t feel intimidated by seeing so many people in the room because they are behind me and out of sight. Making that eye contact with leaders and people you speak with can feel intimate and like a little too much pressure. It takes practice to move your eyes from the speaker’s mouth or hands to their eyes without feeling anxious. But when we make eye contact, we build a bond that lets us know they appreciate us.
How can we push ourselves past the wall of comfortable silence and speak our truth?
It’s important for personal growth to try new things. Learning and growing keep our brains elastic and healthy. When we know we are in a safe space for sharing, then it’s time to share our genuine feelings. Vulnerability creates relationships and enhances understanding. So show your emotions, share your secrets and dance in front of others.
Step 4. Practice
Is perfectionism holding you back from the risk of failure? Learn a famous speech or poem and practice it in front of the mirror. Then pull it out during meetings, presentations or interviews. Or during a microphone test. When my partner and I set up to video record, we always have a mic check. He tells everyone during the test, “Talk to me.” What a great opportunity to recite your favorite speech, poem, or story. Stories are captivating, so write a few and memorize those, too.
Back in the days when I was in improv class, one student asked the teacher, “How can we practice without a partner?” The teacher replied, “Have a conversation with a person you make up in your mind. Give them a character and traits opposite to you and talk over a problem together.” That’s one way we can rehearse to improve our speaking ability and stop spinning in dramatic thoughts, too.
But Wait! There’s More!
Those are the first four steps of the Introvert Framework. I’ll share the last step in a moment. But first, if you’d like to improve in confidence as a leader, whether online or in person, I’ve got two gifts for you! Be sure to download my free ebook, “The Confidence to Grow” and register for my free mini-course, “ Four Stages of Confident Online Leadership.” These tools can enhance the Introvert Framework and give you additional ideas and examples, as well as exercises to get you moving past anxiety.
Remember, all your dreams and desires are waiting for you on the other side of fear.
Step 5. Protect
The last step, which is the sum of all the other steps plus a little more, is to protect yourself. Most people realize extroverts pull energy from others and introverts lose energy to others. When I was interviewing small business owners during expos and events in years past, it was exhausting for me. Giving a live interview in front of a camera caused many people to feel anxious. I would start off the day calm and confident, but while working with these anxious people, they would consume my calm energy and give back anxiety. My extroverted partner didn’t understand why I had to have quiet breaks after every 5 to 10 interviews. I didn’t know how to seal off my calm, confident energy and keep from absorbing anxiety.
I created a process for protecting myself. First, keep up healthy habits. Eat and drink healthy foods and get in some movement and exercise for the 72 hours before any event when you know it’s coming up. Then maintain those healthy habits during the event. Plan rest breaks away from others. If you’re at a conference, you may need to schedule a lunch with just one friend or take time for yourself in your hotel room or go for a walk. Schedule breaks to accommodate recharging your energy when you know you’ll be around groups of people for many hours a day. Enlist a friend to network with you, especially if they are an extrovert. Help them understand you’ve got limited resources so they will check in with you frequently to help you stay as comfortable as possible.
Zip It Up
There’s one last thing I learned I want to share for protection. Meditate and breathe deeply to let go of all anxiety. Visualize scooping all the bad energy out of your gut and tossing it into a trash can. Once you’ve scooped it all out, stick that trash can in an elevator, step back out and hit the button to make it go up and away. Then imagine stepping into a big cocoon of protection, like a giant invisible sleeping bag. Reach down to the bottom and grab the zipper pull and zip up your calm, confident, positive energy inside your cocoon with you. Visualize the anxiety and drama of other people bouncing off your cocoon walls and only the good energy that you desire can get inside. Carry this visualization with you throughout your day.
Introverts Can Shine and Be Leaders
I find it very helpful to pair up with my extroverted partner. He shows me things that I didn’t know were possible.
He confronts situations and people head-on and he doesn’t die from awkward embarrassment!
He calls people on the phone, and they have pleasant, productive conversations!
Crazy, right?!
People who think of you as their leader will appreciate that you are a leader who shares the spotlight. Introverts need space to talk so call on them one by one and ask them questions to draw them out. They will appreciate your time and loving attention.
Don’t let being an introvert be an excuse to sit in the shadows.
As introverts, we need to demonstrate that labels do not define us. Even if every personality test says you’re an introvert, that doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish everything you desire and shine as bright as the star that you are.
Connect with me! Schedule a free consulting call to define your social media goals, assess your specific needs, and clarify your best options.
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.
