Breezing Through Life Changes: Focus on Solutions

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How many times have we said, “Knock on wood,” “Don’t say your wish out loud or it won’t come true,” or “Things are going too well right now, something bad is bound to happen”? What would life be like if we turned this around and started asking, “How much better will this get?” “How is my life going to improve this week?” Or, “What if all my dreams come true?”

I believe focusing on what is right instead of what is wrong, and focusing on solutions instead of problems, can transform our lives in amazing ways. I also believe that as we speak the words of our thoughts, they become possibilities. The more we focus on those possibilities, the more solid they become until we have indeed created the very things we thought and brought into existence. That’s why it’s so vital to examine our thoughts and make sure we are bringing about positive solutions instead of causing ourselves problems and obstacles.

I’ve been talking about the steps to making changes for the past few weeks, including letting go of what no longer serves you, taking small incremental steps, building a strong support system, and now focusing on solutions instead of problems. You might ask, don’t we all look for solutions? Yes, I think we do. But how long does it take us to do that?

Often when things go wrong or we get disappointed by an outcome we weren’t expecting, we look for somebody or something to blame. We may even blame ourselves. “Ah, that was so stupid! Why did I do that? Why wasn’t I paying attention?” Or we might blame our partners, “What were you thinking?” Or our children, “Aren’t you too old to be doing these kinds of things?” Or, upon finding something broken or left in a mess, we angrily ask, “Who did this?!” whether that’s at home or work. Yet, blame never improves the situation, and really, how often does somebody raise their hand and say, “Me. I broke it,” or “I made the big mess,” when you ask? Do we want to step up and take the blame, or would we rather just fix the problem and move quickly past the feelings of shame that come up?

Years ago, when I was a preschool teacher, I had a sweet little 3-year-old boy in my class named Austin. He was quiet and conscientious and always tried to do his best. One day he was carrying a potted plant across the room to put it where it belonged after watering it, and he dropped the plant. It was in a plastic container and the worst that happened was some dirt spilled out on the floor. This was a floor in a preschool classroom covered with durable indoor/outdoor carpet. I mean, we were prepared for messes. But when Austin looked at the mess, he started to cry and sniffled out that he was sorry. My heart reached out in love. I knelt down and held him and told him it was only dirt and no big deal. Everybody spills sometimes. We would clean it up together and everything was going to be okay.

Now, imagine that you are in the shoes of 3-year-old Austin who just dropped the potted plant. The spilled dirt on the floor represents every problem you have in your life. It hurts to look at it. But here’s the good news. You can take a step back into Observer Mode and become the preschool teacher in this scenario. Be your highest, kindest and wisest self, and give yourself a hug, say it’s no big deal, and start pushing the dirt back into the pot knowing that a little spilled dirt isn’t important. The child is. You are. You and the things you learn along the way are much bigger and more important than any of your problems.

I learned a great lesson from my business partner, Toby. We were recording testimonials for one of our clients one day. The woman we recorded finished up and left the building, and then we discovered the audio of the recording was corrupted. The recording would have to be done again. My reaction was I wanted to blame my partner to establish that it wasn’t my fault. I wanted to hide the mistake from our client so we didn’t look incompetent. I felt embarrassed and upset about the error. But Toby immediately went into solution implementation. He told our client what happened. We called the woman before she got too far away, and she agreed to come back and do the recording again. It turned out that the second recording was even better than the first, and nobody was upset about it because the solution took precedence over blame or bad feelings.

This was a revelation to me as I realized our client trusted us even more after this happened. She knew we would be honest with her about our mistakes and we would fix them quickly, and that created a stronger connection than pretending we were perfect.

Focusing on the solution not only spared people from blame and bad feelings, but it also got the problem solved quickly and increased trust.

Let’s try an experiment together now. I want you to think of your most pressing problem or challenge that’s been bothering you. How have you been handling it? Are you worrying it back and forth in your mind? Are you trying to escape from it by doing busy work or watching television? Are you procrastinating? Take a moment now and write it down. Look at it. Read it out loud. I’ll give you an example, “I need to write a business plan, but…” There’s always a but, isn’t there? That’s just an excuse, so only focus on the obstacle itself.

Now that it’s written out, I can brainstorm ideas to get it done. Come up with three to five solutions for solving the problem. If the problem is too big, break it down. Maybe you can’t solve all your financial problems in one go, but you can focus on one area of your finances and work on that.

My possible solutions could be, schedule an hour a day to work on the business plan, use a planning worksheet to get the information together, ask for input on those areas of the plan I’m not sure about and set a deadline for getting it done. Then set up an accountability meeting to go over the business plan with my coach or partner. Wow! Problem solved. Now I just need to take the actions I chose so I can get to my desired outcome. What a relief it is to have a plan instead of a worry wheel spinning in my head.

Let’s look again at the 10 Habits of Financially Successful People. Number 5 says, “They know where they are headed.” I made a plan and I know the outcome if I follow that plan. Number 9 says, “They know that only they are accountable.” That doesn’t mean I need to blame myself and feel shame, it means I need to focus on the solution and take the necessary steps to get it done without waiting for permission or somebody to do it for me. Then I can celebrate and feel proud when it is done. That feels so much better than feeling stuck or anxious.

Write out your own list of problems and solutions every time you feel stuck or worried. Then break down each solution into a set of steps you can follow and schedule them on your calendar. You’ll get your goals accomplished and feel great about it, too.

Using this tool will remind you that you are a problem solver. You are resourceful, smart and resilient. You can do anything you commit to doing. You are capable of accomplishing great things by turning obstacles into opportunities.

Have you ever considered how your greatest failures and setbacks have been your greatest gifts? Remember that behind every negative emotion or experience in our lives, there is a positive intent. So when you encounter a problem, challenge or disappointment, take time to ask, “What is the gift in this situation?” Maybe the gift is developing courage and confidence.

Having the courage to make life changes comes from taking small steps, leaning on a strong support system and focusing on solutions.

Take a small step today and write out your problems and solutions. Then begin to take the small steps to get past every obstacle.

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.